Thursday, February 5, 2009

i never change, do i?



i wanna live life and never be cruel
i wanna live life and be good to you
i wanna fly and never come down
and live my life
and have friends around
we never change, do we?
we never learn, do we?

i feel like i'm constantly making the same mistakes for the same reasons. falling for the same person who treats me the same way. ignoring the one who treats me well. and then looking back and regretting it all. will i ever change or learn? or will i be the one sitting on my porch in my old age next to the wrong one with thoughts of the one that got away? i think i think about "the one that got away" more than most. am i that afraid of regret? i let my curiosity get the better of me and put my heart into these journeys deep into the rabbit hole that is curiosity. once you've fallen for someone that makes you feel completely crazy, what would compel you to torture yourself that way again? curiosity. when will i start thinking reasonably? like "oh, this will probably hurt me just as much this time as it did the last. so, no sir, i wll NOT take you up on that offer to ruin my life yet again." i had just gotten comfortable with being formerly broken. i had just imagined us as friends. i had just started breathing again. and now, i'm almost as overwhelmed by anxiety and questions as i was the first one thousand times i gave you a "second" chance. perhaps second chances are for suckas. i refuse to hand you any more.

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