ok. i'm officially an avid blogger. am i obsessed? maybe. i have a lot of nothing to say tonight...sue me.
soo...i was really "trippin" (don't know if i've ever used that word before...hm...) earlier about this situation. REALLY trippin. doing things i won't mention to anyone but my brother and my best because they're embarassing and internet stalker-esque. but then i came across this worship group on imeem and i'm thinking that maybe my priorities are out of order. i was so enthralled with my research on spiritual displacement in the beginning of the semester and how we rely on romantic love and glamorize it because we lack a spiritual connection with the father and now i feel like i'm placing all of my hope and happiness on this poor child when i should be focusing on the lord whether i'm asking him to guide me through this or just showing him the same amount of attention that i am to this situation. i'm getting so caught up in MY feelings and MY love life and i'm losing focus of what's really important. he's greater than every need that i have. even the need to love this boy.
i used to firmly believe that the lord put him in my life so that we could be together forever. i just knew it in my heart. and then i told mine that i know god answered a prayer when he put him in my life because he gave me the peace of mind that i didn't have in my tragic relationship. but now i'm realizing that he puts EVERYONE in my life as part of his plan for my life. everyone plays a part whether it be large or small. and i don't exactly what his part is...but god does. and i need to leave this up to him. i can't wiggle my way back into someone's heart if god doesn't say so. i can accept/expect neverending grace and forgiveness from him, but not from my dear engaged friend here. i need to send this up to him and give my heart and pitiful mind a rest for the evening. they're spinnin right round baby right round and quite frankly i'm getting dizzy.
i love him. and want to be with him. but this isn't up to me. i'm looking upward on this one.
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